Peer pressure and refusal skills lessons

By the IEP Atlas editorial teamLast updated November 1, 2026

Short answer

Refusal skills lessons teach students to say no to peer pressure and leave the situation safely. Teach four moves (a clear no, a short reason or none, an alternative, and leaving or getting help), rehearse them while a partner keeps pushing, and practice with the pressures your students really face, such as skipping class, vaping or sharing photos.

Students with disabilities can be easy targets for peer pressure. Some want friends badly enough to go along with anything. Some miss the signs that a "joke" is setting them up. Some have learned at school to comply with whoever is giving directions. Refusal lessons give them a short, practiced script and the confidence to use it while someone is pushing back.

This guide is for school psychologists, counselors and special education teachers. It works for a small group or a whole class, and it uses the same rehearsal format as conflict resolution lessons. The student in the worked example is fictional. For related IEP goals, see the social-emotional IEP goals guide.

What you need before you start

A list of real pressures. Ask students, anonymously, what people pressure kids their age to do. Ask staff and families too.
Scenario cards. 12 to 15 scenarios at three pressure levels, with a partner script that keeps pushing.
A refusal card. The four moves, in a format the student can carry or keep on a phone.
Family contact. A short note home with the four moves, so adults at home use the same words.

Step-by-step: teaching refusal skills

Step 1: Teach students to spot pressure

Many students do not notice pressure until they are already in trouble. Teach three signs: someone keeps asking after you say no, someone says "everybody does it" or "don't be a baby," and someone wants it kept secret from adults. Read short scenarios and have students hold up a card for "pressure" or "not pressure."

Example: "A friend asks if you want to get pizza after school." Not pressure. "A friend says you can't sit with them anymore unless you take a picture in the bathroom." Pressure, and also a situation to report.

Step 2: Teach four refusal moves

Keep the moves short so they still work under stress.

Say no clearly. "No." or "No, I'm not doing that." Look at the person and use a firm voice.
Give a reason or don't. "I don't want to get suspended." A reason is optional. "No" is enough.
Offer an alternative. "Let's go shoot hoops instead."
Leave or get help. Walk toward a group or an adult. Tell a trusted adult when it involves danger, secrets or touching.

Example: model all four in a 20-second skit, then have students name each move as it happens.

Step 3: Practice body language and voice

A quiet "um, I guess not" invites more pushing. Rehearse standing tall, keeping a steady voice and stepping away. Video a round on a tablet, with permission, and let students watch their own refusal. Students are often surprised by how unsure they sound.

Example: students say "No, I'm not doing that" three ways (whisper, yelling, firm) and the group votes on which would make a pusher stop.

Step 4: Rehearse with rising pressure

The partner keeps pushing, because real peers do. Level 1 scenarios have one push. Level 2 has three pushes and an insult. Level 3 adds a threat to end the friendship. Move a student up only after they hold their refusal through the current level in 2 role plays in a row.

Example: at level 2, the partner says "Come on, just one hit," then "Nobody will know," then "Wow, you're so lame." The student repeats "No" and leaves on the third push.

Step 5: Practice the "real friend" test

Students who want friends will often accept pressure as the price. Teach a quick check: a real friend accepts your no. Sort scenarios into "friend" and "not acting like a friend." Pair this with goals for joining positive groups, such as the peer interaction goals.

Example: "Your friend says okay when you don't want to skip class and asks if you want to hang out after school." That friend passed the test.

Step 6: Plan for real life

End the unit with each student's personal plan: the two pressures most likely to happen to them, the words they will use, and which adults they will tell. Review the plan monthly and after any incident.

Worked example: Jasmine, grade 8

Jasmine is a fictional 8th grader with an intellectual disability who is included in general education for most of the day. In October, two peers convinced her to give them her lunch money on 3 of 5 days, and she was found in a restroom where students were vaping. In baseline role plays she used 1 of 4 moves (she said "okay" quietly, then went along).

Her IEP goal: "When presented with a peer pressure scenario in role play or a real situation, Jasmine will use at least 3 of the 4 refusal moves, including leaving or telling an adult, in 4 of 5 opportunities, and will report real pressure situations to a trusted adult within the same school day."

Week	Lessons	Moves used in role play (of 4)	Highest level passed	Real situations reported same day
Baseline	0	1	None	0 of 3
2	2	2	Level 1	0 of 2
4	4	3	Level 1	1 of 2
6	6	3	Level 2	2 of 2
8	8	4	Level 3	1 of 1

The team also arranged for Jasmine to eat lunch with a club she chose. Lunch money requests stopped by week 5. Reports to adults were the slowest part, so the counselor added a daily 2-minute check-in. These numbers are illustrations, not benchmarks.

Common mistakes

Weak: One assembly on "just say no." Better: Six or more short lessons with rehearsal and a follow-up plan.
Weak: The role-play partner gives up after one "no." Better: The partner keeps pushing, as real peers do.
Weak: Teaching that the student must always explain. Better: Teach that "no" alone is enough.
Weak: Ignoring the friendship need. Better: Pair refusal lessons with chances to join groups that accept the student.
Weak: Setting up fake peer pressure in real life without telling anyone. Better: Use planned practice only with parent permission, a peer helper who is in on it, and a debrief right after.
Weak: Measuring with a vocabulary quiz. Better: Score moves used in role play and track real reports.

How to measure refusal skills

Score each role play on the four moves with an opportunity data sheet, noting the pressure level. For real situations, keep a simple log of reports and incidents. Probe role plays 1 to 2 times a week during the unit, then monthly. The opportunities measurement page explains how to set the denominator.

Assertiveness IEP goals cover standing up for yourself more broadly.
Body safety lessons cover touching and secrets in more depth.
The conflict resolution goals include wording for peer situations.
Paste any new goal into the goal checker.

CASEL includes resisting inappropriate social pressure within its description of relationship skills.^[1] Tier 1 PBIS practices, such as teaching expectations directly and acknowledging students who meet them, give refusal lessons a school-wide backdrop.^[2]

Frequently asked questions

What age should refusal skills lessons start?

Simple versions can start in early elementary, focused on saying no and telling an adult. Pressure about skipping class, vaping, photos and online dares becomes common in middle school, so most programs add longer units in grades 5 to 8.

What are the four refusal moves?

Say no clearly, give a reason or don't, offer an alternative, and leave or get help. Keep the words short so the student can use them while someone is pushing, and practice until they come out without thinking.

How do I teach refusal skills to a student who wants friends badly?

Teach the real friend test, that a real friend accepts your no, and pair the lessons with chances to join groups that welcome the student. Refusal is easier when the student has other places to belong.

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Sources

CASEL: Social and emotional learning, CASEL
Tier 1, Center on Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports

Written and checked by the IEP Atlas editorial team under our editorial policy. This guide describes general practice and federal rules. It is not legal advice; your state may add requirements, and the IEP team makes the decisions for each student.