Assertiveness IEP goals

By the IEP Atlas editorial teamLast updated November 1, 2026

Short answer

An assertiveness IEP goal teaches a student to state a need, opinion or limit clearly and respectfully, between staying silent and blowing up. Name the situation, the words or actions that count and a criterion. Example: when a peer takes his materials, Isaac will say "I'm using that, please give it back" in a calm voice in 4 of 5 opportunities across 3 weeks.

Assertiveness sits between two common patterns. Passive students go along, stay quiet or give in, and the problem keeps happening. Aggressive students yell, threaten or grab, and they end up in trouble even when they started out in the right. Assertive students say what they want or don't want, in a clear and respectful way, and accept that the other person may still say no.

The 16 goals below are fictional illustrations for school psychologists, counselors, SLPs and teachers. Self-advocacy about a disability and accommodations is a related but separate skill, covered in self-advocacy goals examples. For the wider area, start with the social-emotional IEP goals guide.

Passive, aggressive or assertive: how to choose a goal

What you see	Pattern	Sub-skill to target	Measurement method
Gives away items, agrees to everything, says nothing when upset	Passive	Stating a need or a limit	Frequency recording of assertive statements
Yells, threatens or grabs when wronged	Aggressive	Calm assertive statement in place of aggression	Frequency of assertive vs aggressive responses
Never shares ideas in groups	Passive	Giving opinions	Count per group session
Is targeted by peers, does not tell anyone	Passive	Standing up and reporting	Opportunities per incident
Accepts unfair treatment from adults	Passive	Speaking up with adults	Opportunities

Teach a simple formula, such as an "I" statement: "I feel ___ when ___. I want ___." Pair it with body language: stand tall, look toward the person, steady voice.

1. Ideas in group work. During small-group work, Grace will share at least 1 idea or opinion per session, in 4 of 5 sessions. Baseline: 0 ideas in 5 of 5 sessions.
2. Disagreeing politely. When she disagrees with a peer in discussion, Grace will use a respectful disagreement phrase ("I see it differently because...") in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: stays silent in 4 of 4.
3. Choosing for himself. When peers choose a game or activity, Isaac will state his own preference before the group decides, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5; says "whatever."
4. Answering when asked. When a teacher asks for her opinion in class, Rosa will give a full-sentence answer rather than "I don't know," in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5.

Weak: "Grace will be more assertive in groups." Measurable: goal 1. It counts what she says, per session.

Saying no and setting limits

5. Refusing a request. When a peer asks to copy his homework, Isaac will say "No" with or without a reason, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: gives the homework in 4 of 5.
6. Protecting belongings. When a peer takes or asks for his materials, Isaac will say "I'm using that, please give it back" or "Not right now" in a calm voice, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: gives it up in 3 of 5, grabs it back in 2 of 5.
7. Physical limits. When a peer touches her in a way she does not want (hair, hugs), Rosa will say "Stop, I don't like that" and move away, in 4 of 5 opportunities, and tell an adult if it continues. Baseline: 0 of 5.
8. Ending a conversation. When a peer keeps talking during independent work, Grace will say "I need to finish this, let's talk later," in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4.

Weak: "Isaac will stand up for himself." Measurable: goal 6. It names the situation, the words and a criterion. Refusing peer pressure is covered in more depth in refusal skills lessons.

Responding to unfair treatment

9. Assertive instead of aggressive. When a peer insults him, Malik will use an assertive statement ("Don't talk to me like that") and walk away, instead of yelling or threatening, in 4 of 5 recorded incidents. Baseline: 1 of 5; threatens in 4 of 5.
10. Reducing aggressive replies. Malik will reduce aggressive verbal responses to peers from an average of 6 per week to 1 or fewer per week for 4 consecutive weeks. Baseline: mean 6 per week across 3 weeks.
11. Reporting bullying. When a peer bullies her, Rosa will tell a trusted adult the same day, describing what happened, in 3 of 3 incidents. Baseline: 0 of 3 reported.
12. Standing up for someone else. When a peer is teased, Grace will say a supportive phrase ("That's not cool") or tell an adult, in 2 of 3 observed opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 3.

Weak: "Malik will not be aggressive." Measurable: goal 9. It replaces aggression with a specific assertive response instead of only stopping a behavior.

Speaking up with adults

13. Asking for clarification. When she does not understand a direction, Rosa will ask the teacher a clarifying question within 2 minutes, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5.
14. Disagreeing with a grade. When he thinks a grade is wrong, Isaac will ask the teacher privately to review it, using a calm voice and stating his reason, in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: argues in class in 3 of 4.
15. Telling an adult what is not working. During a check-in, Grace will tell her case manager at least 1 thing that is not working for her in class, in 4 of 5 weekly check-ins. Baseline: says "everything is fine" in 5 of 5.
16. Asking for a change. When a seat, group or task is causing a problem, Malik will ask an adult for a change using a polite request, in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4; leaves the room.

Weak: "Rosa will advocate for herself." Measurable: goal 13. It names the moment and the action.

How to measure assertiveness goals

Frequency recording is the natural fit, because you want assertive statements to rise and passive or aggressive responses to fall. Tally both in the same time block. Probe at least 2 times a week in the settings where the problem shows up, such as group work or lunch. Use the frequency data sheet with columns for each response type.

A filled-in example for Malik's goals 9 and 10 (recorded at lunch and in two classes) might look like this. The numbers are illustrations.

Week	Peer provocations seen	Assertive responses	Aggressive responses	Walked away
1	7	1	6	0
2	6	2	4	1
3	8	4	3	3
4	6	4	2	4
5	5	4	1	4

Count provocations too. A drop in aggressive responses can mean fewer provocations rather than a new skill, so the context matters.

Short-term objectives

In role play, the student uses an assertive statement in 4 of 5 scenarios.
In class or at lunch, with a visual cue, 3 of 5 opportunities.
In class or at lunch, without a cue, 4 of 5 opportunities.
In new settings and with new people, 4 of 5 opportunities.

Adapting by grade

Grade band	Typical situation	Example target
K to 2	Toys taken, unwanted touching	Says "Stop, I don't like that" in 4 of 5 chances
Grades 3 to 5	Group roles, recess games, copying	Says no to copying requests in 4 of 5
Middle school	Insults, online teasing, unfair grades	Assertive statement instead of aggression in 4 of 5
High school	Jobs, relationships, adults in charge	Asks a supervisor or teacher for a change in 3 of 4

CASEL includes communicating clearly and standing up for the rights of others within relationship skills.^[1] The IEP must say how progress toward each goal will be measured.^[2]

Find more wording in the social emotional IEP goals and the self-advocacy goals. Check drafts with the goal checker.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between assertive and aggressive?

Assertive means saying what you want or don't want clearly and respectfully. Aggressive means getting your way through yelling, threats or force. Passive means staying quiet or giving in. Assertiveness goals move students from either end toward the middle.

Is assertiveness the same as self-advocacy?

They overlap. Assertiveness covers any situation where a student states a need, opinion or limit. Self-advocacy usually refers to speaking up about one's disability, learning needs and accommodations. Many students need goals in both.

How do I teach assertiveness to a very quiet student?

Start small: a written or typed opinion, a thumbs-up vote, or one idea to a single partner. Practice short scripts in role play, then use them in small groups before whole-class settings. Reinforce every attempt early on.

Use it in IEP Atlas

Sources

CASEL: Social and emotional learning, CASEL
34 CFR §300.320: Definition of individualized education program, Legal Information Institute, Cornell Law School

Written and checked by the IEP Atlas editorial team under our editorial policy. This guide describes general practice and federal rules. It is not legal advice; your state may add requirements, and the IEP team makes the decisions for each student.