Compromise and apologizing IEP goals

By the IEP Atlas editorial teamLast updated November 1, 2026

Short answer

A compromise IEP goal names the disagreement, the compromise move the student will make (offer a middle option, take turns, split it) and a criterion. Apology goals name the parts of a real apology. Example: when he and a partner want different roles, Mateo will offer a compromise such as taking turns or splitting the task in 4 of 5 disagreements across 3 weeks.

Compromise and apology are two halves of keeping a relationship going after a disagreement. Compromise prevents the conflict from getting worse; apology repairs it when it already has. Both are hard for students who think in black and white, who need control to feel safe, or who have learned that saying sorry ends adult attention fast.

The 12 goals below are written for school psychologists, counselors, SLPs and teachers. Students and numbers are fictional illustrations. For the full conflict skill set, see social problem solving IEP goals. For the wider area, start with the social-emotional IEP goals guide.

How to choose a compromise or apology goal

What you see	Sub-skill to target	Measurement method
Insists on own way, no middle ground	Offering a compromise	Frequency recording of compromise offers
Rejects every idea a peer offers	Accepting a fair offer	Opportunities: offers accepted out of fair offers made
Says "sorry" flatly, repeats the behavior	Making a complete apology	Rubric of apology parts (out of 3)
Refuses to apologize, or apologizes only when forced	Repairing on own initiative	Opportunities after a harm
Holds grudges after being apologized to	Accepting an apology	Opportunities

Teach compromise options directly. Many students do not know there is more than "my way" or "your way." A short menu on a card helps: take turns, split it, do both, pick something new, or flip a coin.

Offering a compromise

1. Using the compromise menu. When he and a partner want different roles in group work, Mateo will offer a compromise from his menu (take turns, split the task, do both) in 4 of 5 disagreements across 3 weeks. Baseline: 0 of 5; insists on his role.
2. Stating both wants. During a disagreement over a game, Lily will say what she wants and what the peer wants before suggesting a solution, in 3 of 4 disagreements. Baseline: states only her own want in 4 of 4.
3. Frequency of offers. During structured recess games, Mateo will make at least 2 compromise offers per week, recorded by recess staff, for 6 of 8 weeks. Baseline: 0 offers per week across 3 weeks.

Weak: "Mateo will learn to compromise." Measurable: goal 1. It names the situation, the menu and a criterion.

Accepting a fair offer

4. Saying yes to a middle option. When a peer offers a fair compromise, Lily will accept it or make a counteroffer, without leaving the activity, in 4 of 5 offers. Baseline: 1 of 5.
5. Flexible plans. During partner projects, Theo will agree to include at least 1 of his partner's ideas in the final product, in 3 of 4 projects. Baseline: 0 of 4.
6. Accepting a coin flip or vote. When a group uses a vote or coin flip to decide, Theo will accept the result and continue, in 4 of 5 decisions. Baseline: argues or quits in 3 of 5.

Weak: "Theo will be flexible." Measurable: goal 6. Flexible becomes accepting a fair decision and staying in the activity. The cognitive flexibility goals guide has related thinking-skill goals.

Making a real apology

A complete apology has three parts: say what you did, say sorry, and say what you will do to make it right. Avoid forcing an apology on the spot. Let the student calm down first, then practice.

7. Three-part apology. After hurting a peer's feelings or property, Jayden will give an apology with all 3 parts (what I did, sorry, how I will fix it) within the same school day, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: says "sorry" only, in 2 of 5; refuses in 3 of 5.
8. Naming the action. In a debrief after an incident, Jayden will name his action without blaming the other person ("I pushed him" rather than "He made me"), in 4 of 5 debriefs. Baseline: 1 of 5.
9. Written apology option. When a spoken apology is too hard, Sam will write or type a 3-part apology note and deliver it, in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4.

Weak: "Jayden will apologize when he hurts others." Measurable: goal 7. It defines what counts as an apology and sets a time window.

Repairing and accepting apologies

10. Making it right. After damaging a peer's work or item, Sam will offer a repair (help rebuild, replace, redo) and follow through within 2 school days, in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4.
11. Accepting an apology. When a peer apologizes, Lily will respond with an accepting phrase ("Okay, thanks") and rejoin the activity within 5 minutes, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5; avoids the peer for the rest of the day.
12. Checking in later. After a conflict and apology, Mateo will check in with the peer later the same day with a friendly comment or invitation, in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4.

Weak: "Lily will forgive others." Measurable: goal 11. It names the reply and the time to rejoin.

How to measure compromise and apology goals

Frequency recording works for compromise offers, because you want the count to rise over time. Recess staff, a teacher or the counselor tally each offer on a frequency data sheet. Probe at least 2 structured activities a week, such as a partner game or group project, so there are enough chances. For apology goals, score each opportunity with a 3-point checklist on an opportunity data sheet.

Here is a filled-in example for Mateo's goal 3, recorded during two 20-minute structured recess games per week. The numbers are illustrations.

Week	Games observed	Disagreements seen	Compromise offers	Offers accepted by peer
1	2	4	0	0
2	2	3	1	1
3	2	5	2	1
4	2	3	2	2
5	2	2	3	2

Write down the number of disagreements too. Offers can only happen when there is something to disagree about, so a week with 1 disagreement and 0 offers is not the same as a week with 5 and 0.

Short-term objectives

In a role play, the student chooses a compromise from the menu in 4 of 5 scenarios.
In a structured game with an adult nearby, with a cue card, 3 of 5 disagreements.
In a structured game, without a cue, 4 of 5 disagreements.
In unstructured settings, at least 2 offers per week.

Adapting by grade

Grade band	Typical situation	Example target
K to 2	Toys, line order, games	Uses "take turns" or "share" in 3 of 5 disagreements
Grades 3 to 5	Group roles, recess game rules	Offers a middle option in 4 of 5 disagreements
Middle school	Projects, friendships, online conflict	Three-part apology within the same day
High school	Group work, team sports, jobs	Includes a partner's idea in 3 of 4 projects

CASEL lists relationship skills, including resolving conflicts constructively and working together, as one of its core competencies.^[1] The IEP must describe how progress on each goal will be measured.^[2]

For full goal wording, browse the social emotional IEP goals and the conflict resolution goals. Check drafts with the goal checker. Group lessons on the same skills are in conflict resolution lessons.

Frequently asked questions

Should a student be made to apologize right away?

Usually not. A forced apology in the middle of a conflict teaches that sorry ends the trouble, not that it repairs harm. Give the student time to calm down, then teach and practice a complete apology with the three parts.

What are good compromise options to teach?

A short menu works well: take turns, split it, do both, pick something new, or flip a coin or vote. Put it on a card or poster so the student can point to an option when words are hard.

How do I measure a compromise goal when disagreements are rare?

Plan structured activities where disagreements are likely, such as a partner game with one set of materials or a group project with roles to choose. Record the number of disagreements as well as offers so the data makes sense.

Use it in IEP Atlas

Sources

CASEL: Social and emotional learning, CASEL
34 CFR §300.320: Definition of individualized education program, Legal Information Institute, Cornell Law School

Written and checked by the IEP Atlas editorial team under our editorial policy. This guide describes general practice and federal rules. It is not legal advice; your state may add requirements, and the IEP team makes the decisions for each student.