IEP goals for friendship skills

By the IEP Atlas editorial teamLast updated November 1, 2026

Short answer

Friendship IEP goals target the skills that turn a classmate into a friend: finding a shared interest, making plans, showing interest and handling problems. Example: during lunch bunch, Theo will find a shared interest with a new peer by asking 2 questions and naming one thing in common in 3 of 4 sessions, recorded by the counselor.

A friendship goal is different from a peer interaction goal. Peer interaction goals count greetings, turns and replies in a single moment. Friendship goals look at what happens over time with the same people: finding something in common, making a plan, checking in after a bad day, and fixing things after an argument. Those are the skills that build a relationship.

The 12 goals below cover four sub-skills, with fictional baselines and template links. The numbers are illustrations. Moment-to-moment goals are in peer interaction IEP goals, and the social-emotional IEP goals pillar covers the whole area.

Friendship on the student's terms

No IEP can make two people friends, and a goal should never measure popularity. Write goals about the student's skills and the chances adults create, then let friendships form.

Ask the student what they want. Some students want one close friend. Some want a group to sit with at lunch. Some are content with friendly classmates and a club. All are valid.
Shared interests are the shortest path. Friendships built around a special interest, a game or a club are real friendships. Connecting students with similar interests often works better than coaching general social rules.
Online friends count. For many students, a friend they game or chat with is a central relationship. Safety skills still apply.
Do not require masking. A goal should not ask a student to hide stimming, fake interest in topics, or copy peers' behavior to fit in. Friendship skills include finding people who accept you.

Peer-based approaches, in which classmates are taught to include and respond to the student, have a strong evidence base for autistic students.^[1] They also put some of the work where it belongs: on the peer group, not only on the student with an IEP.

How to choose a friendship goal

What the team sees	Sub-skill	How to measure
Student talks with peers but conversations go nowhere	Finding common ground	Opportunities in structured sessions
Friendly at school, never connects outside class	Making and keeping plans	Count of plans made and followed through
Peers drift away over weeks	Being a good friend: interest, help, inclusion	Frequency per week
Friendships end after one argument	Handling friendship problems	Opportunities after conflicts

Goals for finding common ground

These goals help a student move from "hi" to "we both like that". Use structured settings first, such as a lunch bunch or club, then unstructured ones.

During lunch bunch with a new peer, Theo will ask at least 2 questions and name one shared interest in 3 of 4 sessions. Baseline: 0 of 4. Template.
When a new student joins the class or club, Grace will introduce herself and ask one question about the peer within the first week on 3 of 3 opportunities across the year. Baseline: 0 of 3. Template.
At lunch or in the commons, Theo will ask to sit with a group of peers on at least 2 of 5 days per week for 4 weeks. Baseline: 0 per week. Template.

Weak: "Theo will make friends." Measurable: Goal 1 above. It counts two concrete moves in a set time and place.

Goals for making and keeping plans

A friendship grows when two people choose to spend time together. These goals teach the student to make that choice happen.

Grace will make a plan with a peer to do something together, such as sitting together at an assembly or playing a game at recess, at least once per week for 6 weeks. Baseline: 0 per month. Template.
After a classmate shares news or a project, Theo will ask a follow-up question about it on 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5. Template.
Grace will invite a peer to come to her club or interest group on 2 occasions per grading period. Baseline: 0. Template.

Weak: "Grace will spend more time with friends." Measurable: Goal 1 above. A weekly count of plans is easy to log, and the plan can be tiny.

Goals for being a good friend

These goals cover what keeps a friendship going: noticing the other person, helping and including. They also help peers see the student as someone who cares about them.

When a peer is alone at recess, Leo will invite them to join his game in 3 of 4 observed opportunities. Baseline: 0 of 4. Template.
When a friend is struggling with a task, Leo will offer help, such as "Want me to show you?", in 3 of 4 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 4. Template.
During partner or group work, Grace will give a peer a compliment or encouragement at least 2 times per session on 4 of 5 sessions. Baseline: 0 per session. Template.

Weak: "Leo will be a good friend." Measurable: Goal 1 above. It names a situation peers notice and a behavior adults can count.

Goals for handling friendship problems

Friendships hit bumps: a friend says no, someone gets hurt, a friend turns out to be unkind. These goals keep a bump from ending the friendship, and help the student recognize when a friendship is not healthy.

When a peer says no to his invitation, Theo will accept it and choose another option, such as asking someone else, in 4 of 5 opportunities. Baseline: 1 of 5. Template.
Given 10 short scenarios, Grace will sort signs of a healthy friendship from unhealthy ones, such as a friend who only talks to her when they need something, in 9 of 10. Baseline: 5 of 10. Template.
After hurting or upsetting a friend, Leo will apologize and ask how to fix it within the same day on 3 of 4 occasions. Baseline: 0 of 4. Template.

Weak: "Grace will choose good friends." Measurable: Goal 2 above. Scenario sorting checks the knowledge; add a real-setting goal once she can sort reliably.

The healthy-friendship goal matters for students who are easy to take advantage of. Peers who use the student, or tease them under the cover of friendship, are a safety issue. See IEP goals for bullying and teasing for the school's side of that.

Teaching friendship skills

The goals above work best with a short teaching cycle and a planned place to practice.

Create the setting first. A lunch bunch, a club built around an interest, or a peer network meeting gives the student repeated time with the same peers. Friendships need repeated contact.
Teach one skill at a time. For example, "ask a follow-up question". Model it, practice it in role-play, then name the setting where the student will try it.
Prepare the peers. Tell peers what the student enjoys and how to include them. Peers can learn to wait for a reply, use the student's AAC device, or join a shared interest.
Debrief briefly. After the session, ask the student what went well and what they want to try next. Keep it to 2 minutes.
Step back. Adults hovering nearby change how peers act. Once the routine is set, move further away.

Social skills groups can teach the skills; see social skills group goals for that format, and the social skills IEP goal examples for goals by skill.

How to measure friendship goals

Friendship goals often need data over weeks, not minutes. A weekly log works better than a per-session tally for plans and invitations.

Week	Plans made	Plans followed through	Peer-started contacts
1	0	0	1
3	1	1	2
5	2	1	3
7	2	2	4

This fictional log for Grace shows something a single-session tally would miss: peers began to seek her out. Counting peer-started contacts is one of the best signs that a friendship is mutual. The frequency data sheet works for weekly counts, and the opportunity data sheet for responses in set situations. The IEP has to say how progress will be measured;^[2] a weekly log is a legitimate method when the goal says so. For more on measuring in real settings, see how to measure social skills in natural settings.

Adapting by grade

Grade band	Typical focus	Setting
Grades K to 2	Asking to play, including, accepting no	Recess, centers, peer buddies
Grades 3 to 5	Shared interests, making a plan, apologizing	Lunch bunch, clubs
Middle school	Sitting together, group chats, healthy vs unhealthy friends	Lunch, clubs, online
High school	Planning outside school, keeping in touch, dating and friendship boundaries	Clubs, work, community

The friendship skills hub collects friendship templates, and the peer interaction goals page lists all 55 in that area. The social skills goal hub covers related skills. Run your draft through the goal checker.

Frequently asked questions

Can friendship be an IEP goal?

The skills behind friendship can be, such as finding a shared interest, making plans, offering help and repairing after a conflict. A goal cannot require that a specific peer becomes a friend, and it should not measure popularity.

How do you measure friendship skills?

Use a weekly log for plans and invitations, and opportunities for responses in set situations such as a lunch bunch. Also count contacts that peers start. A rise in peer-started contacts is a strong sign the relationship is mutual.

What if the student prefers to be alone?

Respect it. Many students enjoy time alone and want only one friend or a club. Ask the student what they want, and write goals around the connections they choose rather than a set number of friends.

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Sources

Evidence-Based Practices for Children, Youth, and Young Adults with Autism (2020), National Clearinghouse on Autism Evidence and Practice, UNC Chapel Hill
34 CFR §300.320: Definition of individualized education program, Legal Information Institute, Cornell Law School

Written and checked by the IEP Atlas editorial team under our editorial policy. This guide describes general practice and federal rules. It is not legal advice; your state may add requirements, and the IEP team makes the decisions for each student.